You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
