I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
