Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
