So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You were trust falling into bushes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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