My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's great music for shaving your balls
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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