He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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