it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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