Duck Duck Cougar?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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