just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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