i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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