Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
