Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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