A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
