My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
