there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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