Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
