Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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