Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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