Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
