Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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