so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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