i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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