Whod you bang
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
