I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You're a waste of cheezeits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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