Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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