8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
