Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
