If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
