8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
