Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
