If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
