i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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