I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
