i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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