my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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