I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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