Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
