Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
