Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
