No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
