remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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