Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
