So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
