What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
