too bad you live with your parents still
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
