I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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