were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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