Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
