maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
