What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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