There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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