I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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